piggywhale (piggywhale) wrote,
piggywhale
piggywhale

On Nino's Understanding of Love through Sex

Title: On Nino’s Understanding of Love through Sex
Word Count: approx. 8,200 words
Pairing: Nino/Jun
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Nino has been contented with what he has with Jun. However, when Jun gives him a gift that seems to suggest something meaningful, Nino has to step back and think about what it all means.

Notes: Written for yoru_no_hikaru in Arashi Exchange 2017



Nino lets out a soft moan while his lower body sways in the same rhythm as the body on top. The thickness inside him moves with familiar expertise, and Nino cries out as the blissful sensation hits him.

“Oh, God, Jun,” Nino breathes excitedly. His nails dig deep into the mattress. Nino squeezes his hands tight, and bedsheet clumps into tight balls in his hands. He holds on to it while Jun is thrusting more forcefully into him. Nino feels every pore of his skin is about to burst. The sensation is almost too unbearable.

Jun’s firm grips on Nino’s side tightens and Nino knows Jun also almost reaches his peak. He can hear Jun’s labored breathing as he changes his pace. Each of Jun thrusts is now slower but it’s fiercer, firmer and deeper.

Nino cannot hold it any longer. He cries loudly, not caring for the world. A shot of white liquid jets out of his own enlarged, ripen cock. His entire body freezes. Every muscle on his body tenses up with the extreme sensation. The inside of Nino squeezes tight, warping and pulling Jun’s piece as if it doesn’t want to let Jun go.

Jun reacts immediately. His hands press hard onto Nino’s soft skin. His one last push is the most forceful and it goes in the deepest. Jun’s satisfied cry echoes Nino’s small bedroom. Nino feels Jun’s warmth contained inside him. Despite his exhaustion, the thought still makes Nino’s lower part tinkle. Even right after they have sex, the thought of Jun inside him still makes every part of Nino scream in excitement.

Nino breathes deeply a few times to calm his excited body down. He drops on the bed and rolls on his back to one side, leaving space for Jun. His bed may be a little too small for the two of them to lay side by side comfortably, but it forces their bodies to stay close. Jun also never complains about its tininess. The forced close intimacy is something Nino suspects Jun enjoys too.

Jun lays down on his back, catching his breath. He reaches for the cover sheet and uses it to clean the white mess of his body.

“Oi!” Nino pretends to be bothered by the mess Jun is making. Yet, when Jun shoots him a bright, shy smile and uses the same sheet to clean the stain off Nino’s stomach, Nino cannot even pretend to be angry about it anymore. He pulls the blanket on top of his naked body. It is wet and sticky in places and Nino feels conscious of those spots brushing on his skin. His bed is a mess after intense activities they have done repeatedly since last night. Nino cannot believe he and Jun could produce such mess in a relatively short period of time.

“What is on your mind?” Jun tilts his head toward Nino and plants a small kiss on his temple. Jun’s soft lip lingers, spreading the warmth of Jun’s breath on Nino's skin. A smile plasters his face. Jun is very happy.

“Look at all the mess that we did,” Nino grumbles. Despite being emanated by the warmth of Jun’s gentle kiss, Nino’s mind still gravitates to the trivial problem at hand. He thinks of all the cleanup he has to do after Jun's gone.  Nino can, technically, send his bed sheet and duvet for cleaning, but he does not want any stranger to know about his private life, especially his juicy, private life with Jun.

Jun looks at him knowingly and laughs. Jun knows what Nino is thinking.

“Maybe I have just the thing to fix that,” Jun says with an uncharacteristically cheerful smile. Nino’s eyes follow Jun as he gets out of bed, scrambles for his lost boxer, and walks out of the bedroom. Their leftover dinner is still on the table and their clothes remain scattered all over Nino’s living room. Nino’s game is still turn on and many messages from his online friends are left unanswered. Nino makes a mental note to find reasonable excuses for many hours of his uncharacteristic and untimely absence. It couldn’t be helped, really. How could he resist Jun’s incessant kisses and the promise of hot, steamy sex?

Nino hears the contents inside Jun’s bag shifting as Jun undoubtedly searches for something inside. Very briefly, Jun is back with a small box in his hand, which he immediately hands to Nino.

“Happy Birthday,” Jun says with a gleaming smile. Of course, he has said it multiple times over the night that they just spent together. Still, Nino can hear hints of excitement in Jun’s voice. This time, “Happy Birthday” is meant for something special.

Nino fixates on the rectangular box no larger than his hand. It doesn’t weight much and when he shakes it, Nino hears jiggling sounds inside. As Nino unwraps the present, a wooden box inside emerges. Nino slides the top cover open, revealing what's inside - a piece of small glassy purple crystal dangling next to two metal keys and a thin case of a plastic card.

Nino’s remember the logo on the key card immediately. It belongs to Jun’s apartment.

"Jun," is all Nino manages to say as his hand reach for a key chain. He can feel Jun waiting excitedly for his reaction.

The only thing that rushes through Nino's head is, 'oh, shit.'

Luckily, Nino doesn’t say it aloud. Instead, Nino’s hand plays with the cold metal. His eyes keep on the present.
After one full minute of silence, Jun cannot wait any longer.

"So, what do you think?"

Nino looks up to face the eager looking Jun. He has to say something.

"I thought you were going to give me a cleaning voucher or something like that," Nino says dryly. Anything but a house key, Nino thinks. He tries to laugh a little, just to lighten the atmosphere. It doesn’t work. Jun still looks at him as if waiting for more response. Yet, Nino offers nothing else. Finally, Jun lets go of his held breath.

"Well, maybe next time," Jun responses in words that Nino isn’t sure of the meaning. Jun neither looks angry nor disappointed, but the excitement has gone from his voice. He changes the subject. "In the meantime, why don't I fix you something to eat? Aren’t you starving?" Jun offers as he climbs out of bed again, "And since you have to send the bed sheet to cleaner anyway, maybe we can dirty it even more," Jun sends him a coy glance. Nino laughs. He knows better than to say no to an offer like that.

..................

Days after, Nino still leaves the present Jun gave him on top of his bed stand. The same place he left it that night. Nino doesn’t know what to do with it.

For Nino, Jun’s home key signifies something much bigger than itself.

Nino is not entirely sure what he and Jun are for each other. Boyfriends? Partners? Lovers? The most appropriate description probably falls somewhere among those words. They have shared intimate moments together and have stayed together for several years now. However, their intimacy comes and goes. Some months, they would have sex frequently, but for the others, they would go on with their individual lives. Yet, Nino neither asks nor offers anything specific. He never claims Jun with words like “boyfriend”, and Jun doesn’t either. They are just together. They are happy for what it is.

That’s why when Jun gives him the keys to his home, Nino doesn’t know what or how to respond. Keys allow Nino to enter the most private place of Jun without permission. It is the privilege Nino doesn’t want. Neither does he can imagine giving Jun - or anyone elses - the same thing.

Nino has been happy and content, so he never really thinks about where they stand and where they are heading. There is no need. Everything up to this point has been great. Until Jun gave him the keys and refused to take them back.

Now Nino is forced to think. What Jun is to him. How far they would go on this road together.

For now, Nino has assumed everything is well and Jun isn’t disappointed nor offended because there is no change in his and Jun’s routines. The week after his birthday, Nino is busy with his movie shooting and Jun’s schedule is equally packed. They talk a couple times on the phone and Jun sends Nino messages regularly. Neither of them mentions anything about the present or that night; even though the issue has been on Nino’s mind constantly. Nino hopes that if he ignores the issue, maybe Jun would forget about it too.

However, Nino realizes something is not right when Aiba offers to pick him up for work the week after.

"I heard you didn’t like the present Jun gave you," says Aiba after the customary pleasantry about his and Nino’s weekends. It is a delicate way to put it, so Nino is certain those words didn’t come from Aiba. Jun must have talked to Aiba.

“I never say I didn’t like it,” Nino replies shortly, unsure whether he wants to discuss this further. For Nino, many things should be left unsaid and un-discussed, even with your best friends. However, it doesn’t look like he has a choice. Aiba seems so determined to get his opinion on the matter.

“So, what’s the problem? Don’t you want to move your relationship to the next step?" Aiba asks with genuine surprise, “I thought you guys were doing great.”

Nino makes a face. What does Aiba mean by that? Of course, Nino is happy with Jun and he thinks that Jun feels the same (or at least Jun did, until last week). However, being happy doesn’t mean they must be allowed to get into each other life freely.

“What did Jun tell you? Is he pissed with me?” Nino decides he better takes this opportunity to get an insight to Jun’s mind instead. These is nothing in the way Jun behaves that is unusual or out of ordinary. Maybe that’s why Nino is a little worried. He expected Jun to be a little furious, angry, or upset. Anything explosive is even preferable. However, Jun has shown no signs of those. It is troublesome.

“Eh, I am not sure. He looked calm. He said he’s OK,” says Aiba in contemplation. “I am still worried though. I feel bad for him. Poor guy." Aiba shakes his head and makes the clicking sound with his tongue. His face is somber and his voice is soft and full of understanding. Nino knows that look, that voice. Aiba always uses it when he doesn't agree with something but he respects the outcome.

So, Aiba thinks Nino should be happy with Jun’s gift and maybe offer something similar in return.

Why would anyone ever want to do that?


..................

If Jun is still upset or disappointed about that night, he doesn’t show it the next time they meet face to face. In fact, as soon as they meet again at work a few days later, Jun doesn’t waste time getting right where they left.

Nino, together with the rest of Arashi and concert staffs, is sitting in a conference room, discussing the details of their next concert. Jun, who is supposed to take a major responsibility in organizing their concert, is looking all professional. He is listening and commenting on the details of concert set list. However, underneath the table, one of Jun’s legs is sliding up and down Nino’s legs. Occasionally, it goes up high enough to rub Nino's inner thighs and touches his balls. It sends a spark straight through Nino’s body, making him dizzy. Nino feels funny in his stomach and his dick is getting hard.

Nino is going crazy with Jun's teasing. He wants to move about, to release the tension building up in his lower part, but he doesn’t want to do anything suspicious in front of all the staffs. So, he remains still and quiet in his seat, tortured and wanting.

“The way you are holding your pen, you are going to break it any minute.” Sho comments under his breath. Sho leans in closer so only two of them would hear what he says next.

“He’s toying with you, isn’t he?” Sho’s eyes gesture to the man sitting on the other side of Nino. “What have you done to him?” Sho asks. He is clearly amused. Despite what he is doing to Nino under the table, Jun is reading out of his prepared document, looking all innocent. Yet, he seems to notice Sho’s movement toward Nino and Jun’s eyes turn to their side briefly.

Nino catches Jun’s glance. It sparks. Nino smiles under his breath. Jun is jealous.

Jun’s glance tells Nino that Jun is in that phase of his – the one where he’s all possessive and wants Nino all for himself. With that thought, the burning sensation grows even larger in Nino’s stomach. Nino knows it unreasonable but he loves it when Jun is jealous. Jealous Jun is a very hot Jun. Nino knows he is in for a treat.

They may not have sorted out the solution to Jun’s gift but it seems Nino will continue to get actions all the same.


As soon as the meeting ends and people start to clear out from the conference room, Jun grabs Nino by the wrist and pulls him to one side, aiming for a small meeting room adjuncted to it. He starts kissing Nino passionately. Nino also cannot contain himself. The burning and the desire inside him is too powerful. He returns Jun’s kiss with equal passion. Jun pushes Nino through the door a little too forcefully. Nino is forced retreat quickly until he hits the small table in the small meeting room. He staggers and has to balance himself against the edge of the table. Jun does not stop there. He moves forward onto Nino until their bodies collide; his lower part presses onto Nino’s crotch. The feeling of Jun’s package against his own causes more burning in Nino’s stomach. Nino cannot keep it any longer.

“We are at the office,” Nino speaks almost out of breath. Despite his warning, Nino’s hand reaches for Jun’s nape, pulling the man closer for a hungry kiss. Nino’s lips burn into Jun. Jun’s tongue advances inside his mouth, searching, gasping for more. They are deep in the intense kiss. “We have to stop this, Jun. It’s getting out of hand.” Nino repeats the warning between breathes. He feels emotions boiling inside him, waiting to burst out any second. This is not good.

“No,” Jun gives a firm refusal. He speaks through breath as he continues to devour content of Nino’s mouth hungrily. “I want to fuck you right here, right now.”

Jun’s hand reaches for Nino’s cock. There is no denial that Nino wants it too. Nino’s cock has been pushing his pants, asking to be let out.

“Aren’t you also an impatient one?” Jun teases, realizing Nino’s same need. He pulls away from their kisses temporary and pushes Nino down. Nino obediently lays flat on the table. He eyes gleam and shine bright in eagerness. Jun smirks. If Jun has any reservation about Nino’s reaction to his birthday present, he certainly forgets about it now. The way he is looking at Nino is full of passion, as Nino always remembers.

Jun pulls Nino’s pants half-way down, exposing Nino’s excited cock underneath his plain boxer. He kneels on the floor and positions his face right in Nino’s crotch, ready to do what has been on his mind for the last hour. His tongue works its way through the slid of Nino’s boxer and begins licking the tip of Nino’a package. Jun is also very excited and his cock waits eagerly for attention. Jun has Nino’s in his left hand, guiding and directing it, while he sucks and licks Nino's thick rod. At the same time, Jun’s right hand reaches inside his pants and starts pumping his own.

“Hold on, Jun. I don’t want to come right now.” Nino whispers breathily through his teeth. “I want you inside me.”

Nino’s request is responded almost immediately. Within minutes, Nino’s back is against the wall of the meeting room as Jun begins pounding into him. Nino’s back hits the wall hard, bounces back, and gets push against the wall again in repeated motions. Nino pants. He is feeling out of breath. He cannot think straight.

Jun’s full lips press on Nino’s again. This time, Jun presses harder and more hungrily. His tongue reaches inside Nino’s mouth, searching, intertwining with Nino’s own. Nino can hear Jun’s breathing, can feel warm air from Jun's breath grazing his cheeks. Jun’s hands run though his hair, his back, and his behind. Jun is exceptionally hungry and needy today. Nino reaches for Jun’s back and pulls Jun toward him. Their bodies press close. Nino’s hand continues downward, reaching for the slid of Jun’s ass.

“Do you want more?” Jun mutters through his breath. Nino doesn’t response. His hand searches inside Jun’s pants and the tips of his fingers touch the smooth skin of Jun’s firm ass near the rim of Jun’s entrance behind.

Jun thrusts harder.

Nino bites his lip trying to keep from screaming. He pushes himself up a little to accommodate Jun’s movement, but it’s getting harder to keep his bottom afloat. Nino’s legs are losing strength. The sensation from Jun thrusting into him is overwhelming. Each drive from Jun hits Nino in the right spot, repeatedly and without mercy, and Nino is seeing stars. Nino’s body heaps up and down with Jun’s movement. Jun growls and grunts into Nino's nape as the pushing and plowing continue. Nino does not dare touching his own member in fear of finishing right away. But even without the help, Nino knows he is so close to releasing. His member is already fully enlarged and Jun’s firm abs is pushing onto it repeatedly. Nino is about to burst out.

“Fuck, Jun. Arrrhh…” Nino cannot keep quiet any longer. He tries to keep the voice down but it is hardly working. Nino has to let Jun know. They cannot keep it at this pace or Nino will lose control. “Oh, god. Please.” Nino hisses in difficulty. He can hardly breathe let alone trying to produce an intelligible sentence. “This is…Too much.” Nino manages to utter something between breathes. He really cannot go on like this.

“Fuck it,” Jun also finds it hard to balance himself with his arms at this point. His upper body forms a curve and his face is inches away from Nino’s. “Scream. I don’t fucking care.” Jun immediately lowers down to kiss Nino repeatedly on the side of his neck. Jun alternates between kissing and sucking Nino’s nape, and Nino is certain he will get a few hickies after this session. “I love you.” Jun says between those kisses. “I don’t care if everyone knows about us.”
Jun quickens his pace and pushes harder. Then, his back arches and his head tilts backward. His face shows that he’s almost at the peak. Nino decides to reach for his own member and pulls a few times.

An intense feeling spreads throughout Nino’s body. Every part of him seizes up from the exploding sensations. Nino feels his muscles tighten around Jun’s cock inside him, and almost right after, Jun halts mid-action. Jun’s fingers dig into Nino’s soft shoulders flesh as Jun explodes inside Nino. Nino feels Jun’s warm cum inside him. The sensation causes Nino’s muscles to contract even further and Jun continues to ride on the high. Nino’s own cum spurts all over his own and Jun’s T-shirt. The sticky liquid covers Nino’s left hand that is still holding and rubbing his length.

F.U.C.K.I.N.G – H.E.L.L.

Nino bits his lips hard he must have bled. Despite what Jun told him earlier, Nino is NOT going to scream out Jun’s name right here in the middle of their office.

A long moment passes before Jun slowly pulls out of Nino. He collapses on the smaller man. His arms wrap around Nino, pulling him in. They have to use the wall to support their weight since their legs have weakened considerably.
“Amazing,” Jun says in almost a whisper into Nino’s ear, “you are absolutely amazing.” His tone is soft and sweet. Nino can hear Jun’s even-out breathing so close to his ear. Jun can be surprisingly sweet and gentle, even though he just fucked Nino savagely moments ago.

“You are not so bad yourself,” Nino says coyly. He tries to push Jun to the side but immediately notice that Jun doesn’t budge. “Come on, get off me.” Nino whines. Jun’s hug is warm and comforting but Nino doesn’t want to linger on it for too long, especially not when they are still in one of the office rooms. However, Jun does not seem to care. “I like hugging after a great sex.” Jun makes an excuse playfully. He hugs Nino a little tighter as if to prove his point.

Jun continues to hold on to Nino tightly for another full minute.

That’s when Nino knows something is wrong.


..................

Nino does not know what is it with him and Jun. Nino’s sensible half tells him to stay away from the youngest member. Jun is too volatile, too dangerous, and it can be exhausting trying to keep track of which state Jun is in, or which Jun Nino is interacting with. One moment Jun would be the sweetest and most caring human being Nino has ever known; another Jun would be the most short-tempered, easily-irritated ass Nino ever comes across. Jun would tell story about him buying extravagant birthday present to his co-star publicly – just to show the world that he is capable of being lovable and super sweet. In other moments, Jun would shirk away when a member hug him spontaneously on their tv shows, because he fears of showing intimacy. It drives Nino crazy.

However, his less-sensible half tells Nino that he loves Jun and cannot live without Jun. Nino may never admit it to Jun, but he is certain their relationship is not just about sex. There is something fundamental about Jun that Nino craves. The warmth, the happiness, the strength that Jun seems to have in plenty are things that Nino would devour hungrily. Nino feels more whole and complete when he is with Jun. Somehow, Jun often brings out the better side of Nino’s normally gloomy and dark personality. Nino doesn’t know why but Jun motivates him to be nicer and better human being.

But Jun is like fire, and Nino is afraid to get too close. He fears they would not really get along if they know each other too much. If they share their lives more, they may find there are many things they hate about each other. What would Nino do if they decide to change, to move forward, and find that they aren’t comfortable with each other anymore? What would JUN do if that's the case?

If life is at an equilibrium, Nino doesn’t want to touch it.


..................

Nino steadies himself against the railing of the dance practice room. His hands grip the cold metal bar hard. His legs spread apart and his body arches in perfect angle accepting Jun’s thrusts.

One-two-three. One-two-three. Nino’s mind keeps mental counts. It’s the same rhythm as the song Ohno taught them dance steps at the practice. Jun is fucking him in that rhythm, but Nino isn’t sure Jun realizes it.

After the first time they had sex in the office a few weeks ago, Jun has become more reckless. They have been having sex in places they shouldn’t. They did it in other rooms at the office, in the closet room at TV station, in the restroom of a small bar they went together. It is as if Jun wants someone to finally walk in on them and tells the world that Matsumoto Jun and Ninomiya Kazunari from Arashi are together.

If that is ever the case, both Jun and Nino know, it would spell the end for them – and probably of Arashi. Nino would never forgive himself. And for Jun, Nino knows that the guilt would eat him alive. Yet, Jun continues to do dangerous thing. Jun is like a time-bomb and Nino may be the only one that can fix it. But Nino cannot find a way or a courage to do so.

Nino continues to bend down. Behind him, Jun changes the pace. His breathing quickens. His thrusts are deep and hard, hitting Nino’s blissful spot repeatedly. Nino moans aloud. They may be alone in practice room but there is no telling who are in the rooms nearby and whether they can hear Nino’s unmistakably sexual moans. However, it doesn’t seem to matter. Definitely not for Jun, and most likely not for Nino right at this moment. The only thing Nino can think of is Jun’s cock deep inside him.

Jun continues to bombard Nino with more precise thrusts. They drive deep, hitting the right place, causing every pore of Nino to shudder from the sensation. Nino is close to screaming. His cock is fully erected, asking for attention. Yet, Nino leaves it alone. He doesn’t want to come right now.

Nino endures being attacked by the torturing, sensual pleasure until, finally, Jun’s body stiffen and Jun releases. Nino can feel Jun’s warm cum inside him even though the liquid certainly fills the inside of Jun’s condom. Nino never admits to Jun. He loves the feeling of Jun filling him. He wants Jun’s seeds spreading inside him. But that probably would never happen. Nino doesn’t ask to be exclusive and he has to act accordingly, despite Aiba’s insistent confirmation that Jun never sleeps with anyone else since he starts fucking Nino. Jun never admits to him personally that they are exclusive, neither would Nino.

With Jun’s warmth still inside him, Nino reaches for his own dick. With just a slight rub around the hilt, he comes hard. The white substance shoots out, hitting the mirror in front of him. Nino’s gaze follows the white stain, Nino sees reflection of Jun and himself. He loves that reflection, but given everything that is happening, he isn’t sure how long it would remain a reality. He is afraid him and Jun would fade and become just this – a reflection of the past, because Nino refuses to step forward.

Jun leans in to hug him from behind – one of many romantic gestures Jun always does after they have sex. Jun doesn’t have to, but he still does. Nino appreciates the courtesy. Maybe, it’s all these little things that make every sex Nino has with Jun special. Jun never makes it feels like it’s only sex. Jun makes sure Nino knows that he truly cares.

Suddenly, the door of the rehearsal room springs open. Nino’s heart almost stops. His face turns instantly, forgetting that he’s still half-naked and dirty with cum.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?!?” Sho bellows. He walks straight toward Nino and Jun. Behind him, Ohno follows. Sho looks furious while Ohno looks relatively much calmer.

Nino’s heart drops. He pulls away from Jun and holds onto his pants and boxer guiltily. On the other hand, Jun acts as if there is nothing special about him and Nino having sex in the dance studio. He bends over to grab his jeans from the floor and puts them on unconcernedly.

“We must be too loud. Did we make you horny?” Jun says briskly. “Sorry about that.” Jun apologizes half-heartedly and walks away, leaving Nino, Sho, and Ohno dumbstruck with his reaction.

When the door is close behind Jun, Sho turns swiftly toward Nino.

“What the hell is that Nino? What have you done to our Jun?”

Nino wishes he has a satisfactory answer for Sho’s question.


..................


Nino is certain something has changed inside Jun since the day Nino ignores Jun's present. Every time they have sex, Jun pushes it further beyond limits. He has always been a little needy and eager, but this is even more than usual. Their sex becomes more passionate and more consuming. Nino should like it. Instead, the change worries him.

“Wrap your legs around my waist,” Jun orders. Nino hesitates for a second before following Jun’s command. It seems Jun wants to try something different. Nino isn’t much for different nor adventerous, but he doesn’t mind if it pleases Jun.

Nino’s body is now relying almost entirely on Jun for support. Jun seems to know of Nino’s insecurity. He carefully wraps his arms around Nino’s lower body, with one hand placing behind Nino’s lower back for better support. Jun's arms press on Nino's skin, providing warmth, support and security Nino's desperately seeking.

“It’s OK, Nino. You can let go now.” Jun means Nino should release his grip on the table, which is the only thing that Nino is holding on to support his weight. “Wrap your arms around my neck instead.”

It’s difficult but Nino tells himself he has to trust Jun. So Nino lets go of the table and quickly reaches out to hold on to Jun for support. Jun doesn’t disappoint him. As soon as Nino let go of other anchor completely, Jun lifts Nino up into his arms holding and supporting Nino weight. But not completely. Jun lets Nino’s body fall down a little and Jun’s length slides further inside Nino.

“Oh, gosh,” Nino’s body arches from the sensation of Jun going deeper inside him. Gravity helps pulling Nino down and Jun’s cock advances further than any time they have ever done. Nino gasps, forgetting to breathe for seconds.

“Are you alright?” Jun asks worryingly. “Does it hurt?” Jun’s voice is gentle and full of concern. He lifts Nino up a little and Jun’s cock retreats away from the depth of Nino’s hole. This time, Nino yelps out impatiently.

“Don’t,” Nino is the one that do the ordering this time, “Don’t pull back.”

Jun looks at Nino and smiles knowingly. He lets Nino fall back down and his cock going in deep again.

“I am going to move you.” Jun tells Nino what is about to come next. He doesn’t want to surprise Nino, “Let me know if it makes you feel uncomfortable, okay?”

Of course, Nino would feel uncomfortable. Having his legs wrapping around Jun’s waist, Nino has to let his body falls on Jun’s lap. Gravity is pulling him downward on to Jun, and Jun’s length goes deep and reaches places that normally wouldn’t get attention. Nino likes it. He bits his lips as Jun alternates between lifting him up a little and letting him go allowing the gravity to do the work. The pace is slow but each one is intense and fulfilling. Jun’s hand on Nino’s ass helps stretching the opening of his hole little by little, and Nino can feel himself open for Jun more and more. The intense feelings leave Nino weak and his muscle loosing strength. Jun seems to notice the lack of Nino’s strong grip around his neck so Jun holds Nino firmly instead.

It is a strange feeling, Jun holding on to him firmly on the back, his lower body sliding and grinding to Jun’s pelvic, Jun’s cock fully inside him. Nino whimpers. His arms feel numb and weak. He can hardly keep his body up. The only thing he can feel very vividly at this point is Jun’s cock filling him fully.

Nino's body is kept at the edge of that blissful excitement. It can hardly take it any longer. Nino gasps and pants. His fingers dig into Jun's soft skin. Jun continues to pound into him with steady rhythm. Nino feels the rim of his entrance tighten from excitement and his hole wraps tighter around Jun’s piece.

“Oh, god. You are so tight tonight.” Jun mutters between his labored breathes. Jun sounds fully aroused, and Nino cannot help feeling the same. “Shit, Nino, you are too tight. I am almost done.” Jun blurts out and before they can do anything about it, Jun’s movement suddenly stops. His body arches as he releases his seeds. Nino follows almost immediately. He screams Jun's name from the top of his lung. Nino no longer has the strength left to hold on to Jun for support and he involuntarily lets go of Jun completely.

But Nino doesn't fall flat on the floor. Jun is still holding on to him, supporting him, with his two strong arms.

"It's OK. I told you that you can rely on me," Jun whispers into Nino's ear as he pulls Nino in closer. "You can trust me. I will never let anything happen to you."

Nino doesn't respond. He knows Jun means something more than just tonight.


..................

Despite Nino’s every effort to hold on to what he and Jun had before his last birthday, Nino cannot turn back time. What has happened, happened. What has changed, changed. Nino cannot deny it. Jun is no longer the same, and Jun's perception about their relationship is no longer the same.

It seems Jun is counting down the time.

Nino is frightened.


Nino never gets tired of the feeling when Jun's cock rubbing inside his mouth. Nino moans in a mouthful. The tip of Jun's engrossed member pushes down his throat and Nino sucks hard in response. The back of his throat presses against Jun's thickness and Jun breathes out heavily. Jun's hand grapping on Nino's hair, alternating between stroking and pulling it, and Nino knows he's got Jun under his control. He swallows, allowing Jun to advance deep. That seems to push Jun over the edge. Slightly pulling Nino's hair and guiding the rhythm of Nino's mouth, Jun moans repeatedly. His hip motions to match against Nino's. Jun's cock moves back and forth, rubbing against the back of Nino's tongue. Nino feels the slightly salty, slightly sweet pre-cum spreading in his mouth and Nino swallows it hungrily. He knows Jun is close, very close. He sucks a few more times pushing Jun right on the edge. With Jun's full length filling up his mouth, Nino swallows hard allowing his tongue to brush against Jun's excited cock and the thickness moves inside him as if to resist against the inevitable. Jun's body tenses up just before salty warm liquid fills up inside Nino's mouth. Nino smiles under his breath and swallows Jun's seeds hungrily. When Jun pulls out, Nino doesn't let go. He continues to lick and suck the tip of Jun still enlarged cock.

While Nino still licking the tip of Jun’s cock, he hears a request he never thinks he would get from Jun.

“Would you do me, Nino?” Jun’s voice is firm and steady, as if he asks for something ordinary.

But Nino is almost certain that Jun has never been fucked.

“What?” Nino asks as if he didn’t hear it right the first time.

“I want you to fuck me.” Jun states his request the second time. “I want you inside me today.” Jun reaches for Nino and pulls him in for a kiss. “Please, Nino.”

Something is not right, Nino knows it. But he’s afraid to ask. Instead, Nino follows Jun’s request.

Nino’s index finger goes in first. He slowly pushes his finger in and twirls his finger around Jun’s tight hole to open it up. Jun must have felt pain because Jun twists and turns, but he insists that Nino continues. A little while after, Jun's grunts turns into under satisfying moans. The noise Jun makes as Nino’s second finger enters his hole makes Nino hard and aroused. Nino mutters approving sounds under his breath. He continues to use his finger to prep Jun and the younger man instantly twitches from the newly discovered sensation. Nino smiles in satisfaction. Jun's body is accepting this well enough. Nino continues scissoring his fingers to widen Jun’s anal, causing Jun to gasp loudly.

“Use three fingers now. I can take it.” Jun says impatiently. His cock becomes stiffened again. Nino weights the decision before following Jun’s request. Jun twitches a bit more when Nino's third finger enters him. He moans and moves his ass about. Nino is afraid Jun would not be OK but Jun keeps reassuring him to continue. After feeling Jun is fully ready, Nino pulls his fingers out.

“Are you ready, Jun?” Nino asks, even though the state of Jun’s physical reactions tells Nino Jun is certainly ready. Jun looks exasperated. He wants Nino inside him and he wants him now.

“Fuck, Nino. Hurry up.” Jun grunts impatiently.

“OK, I am going in,” Nino signals Jun. Despite having done it to other men before, Nino is still afraid that he may hurt Jun. Jun isn't used to being on the receiving end. It can be a problem for the first time.

“Come in already,” Jun gives Nino the permission again, “I can take it.”

Nino accepts the invitation. He pushes in slowly at first, Despite some resistent from Jun's unfamiliar muscle, Nino's cock continues to dive slowly inside. Jun’s body arches and his face twists as if in pain.

“Are you okay, Jun?” Nino asks as he stops advancing and lowering down to hold Jun in his arms.

“It’s OK. Keep going.” Jun says breathily. His eyes remain shut. It is clear he’s pushing back the emotions. Nino knows not to say too much when Jun is concentrating. He resumes slowly, continues to push inside Jun until he reaches pull length. Jun whimpers in pleasure.

Seeing that Jun is OK, Nino begins moving. He starts slow at first, pulling in and out at a moderate speed, and tries to make sure that Jun is familiar with the sensation of other man inside him. It’s only when he sees that Jun is getting used to the movement that Nino begins to move in his preferred pace. Both his hands are on Jun’s lower waist supporting and controlling the movement. Nino does not ask if Jun’s alright with his maneuver. Instead, he takes Jun’s reactions for feedbacks and readjusts his angel and pace accordingly. Nino tries thrusting in different angels and observes Jun’s reactions. Finally, Nino finds Jun’s spot and he keeps emphasizing it with his firm drives. It causes Jun to scream wildly. Nino knows Jun wouldn’t last.

“Come, get on your four,” Nino asks as he pulls out from Jun temporary. Jun obeys immediately.

Nino takes a deep breath. The view from Jun’s behind is making Nino overly excited. The curve of Jun’s firm ass leads to the perfectly shape back and muscular shoulder. Jun instinctively perks his face up, making his back arches beautifully. Nino reaches out to grab Jun’s waist with one hand while the other takes a firm grasp of Jun’s buttock. He pulls one cheek of Jun’s bottom to get a better view of Jun's hole, getting ready to enter Jun again.

But nothing can prepare Nino for how he feels next. When he pushes inside Jun again, Nino almost screams out. The sharp feeling of intense emotion explodes from his lower part and instantly spreads throughout his body. Nino has to immediately stop. His grips on Jun tighten. Jun’s ass has become so much tighter when he is on all four.

“Oh God, Jun,” Nino exhales as he gasps for breath. The sensation is overwhelming Nino has to close his eyes. “I can’t. I am almost done.” He feels guilty saying that but he really cannot hold on much longer. Jun’s tighten muscles are pulling onto his cock too much he is so close to releasing.

“Let it go. It’s OK,” Jun says in an almost equally breathless voice. “I am close too.” Nino bites his lips. He slowly pulls out of Jun, not wanting to over-excited himself.

“What are you doing?” Jun immediately asks in an urgent voice.

“I told you I am almost done. I don’t want to explode inside you.”

“What are you talking about. You can finish inside me,” Jun says firmly.

“Are you sure?” Nino asks reluctantly. He knows it means differently whether someone comes inside or outside. Nino only reserves the inside for few people that he ever feels special about.

Instead of answering right away, Jun reaches for Nino’s cock. He takes Nino’s still stiffen member in his hand and places it on his own hole.

“Please, Nino,” Jun confirms in a soft but reassuring voice. Nino doesn’t need any more confirmation. He pushes back inside Jun with overwhelming feelings. Within a few strokes, Nino cries out joyfully. Jun, who has started stroking himself when Nino reentered him, also comes within seconds after. Jun keeps on all four waiting for Nino to collapse on top of him first before letting himself and Nino drop on the bed.

They remain like that, Nino on top of Jun. Nino can hear both Jun’s fasten heartbeat and his quick breaths. It is a while before Jun’s heartbeats and his breathing level out. Nino weights his thoughts quietly. Jun remains quiet as he lays on his stomach breathing in and out. His eyes remain shut but Nino knows Jun is not sleeping.

Nino decides to move forward. He pulls himself toward Jun’s face and places a kiss on Jun’s cheek.

“Thank you, Nino. I will always remember this,” Jun whispers softly before rolling on his back to sleep.

Long after Jun has slept deeply, Nino still lays still, wide awake. His heart continues to beat too fast, and not from the sex. Nino is afraid. He thinks Jun is leaving him.


..................


Nino doesn’t like worrying. Being worried takes a lot of energy and Nino normally doesn’t have a lot of it to spare to begin with. Maybe that’s why he has led his life this way. Maybe that’s why he is in the dilemma he has now. Nino’s own words from nights before keep repeating in his head. If Nino doesn’t want to invest in the relationship, maybe it’s better to let Jun go.

Nino spent his free weekend playing games in an attempt to run away from the problem, but it has done Nino absolutely no good. The problem remains the top of his thought and it attacks him every waking moment. Nino is completely exhausted. He brings his half-zombie state into the greenroom and finds only Ohno there, sitting quietly and playing with his cell-phone on the sofa. Nino staggers toward the empty space and plants himself next to Ohno. He uses Ohno’s lap to rest his head and closes his eyes.

“Oh-chan, I am afraid.” Nino admits. It doesn’t matter if Ohno knows what he’s talking about. Ohno is always the best listener. “I don’t know what to do.”

Nino feels Ohno’s hand planting on his head. The nimble fingers begin caressing Nino’s hair. It calms Nino down considerably. Somehow Nino feels as if he can absorb energy oozing from Ohno. Finally, Nino regains enough mental strength. He opens his eyes and see Ohno staring softly at him. Nino feels grateful for Ohno’s smile beyond words and he thinks Ohno knows that.

Then, a notification sounds from Ohno’s cell-phone. Ohno shifts his eyes from Nino briefly to look at the message. He smiles at the message and shakes his head a little as he types a reply into his phone.

“What’s up, Oh-chan?” Nino asks wondering what can amuse Ohno that much.

“Sho-chan has been buggering me about our get-away plan.”

“On, right, where are you guys going?”

“The new theme park. I told him I want to get on that new ride they have." Nino is surprised. The theme park has been on the news and they have this new, scary ride that definitely wouldn't go well with Sho's fear of height.

"There is no way Sho would agree to that. He hates places like that." Nino comments. Sho's hate of anything scary and dangerous is very real. However, Ohno surprises him with the answer.

"Nah, he already said OK to the place. We are arguing over where and what to eat. Sho is very specific about it, you wouldn't believe."

"How is that possible?!?" Nino protests in confusion. He gets up and becomes animated as he continues, “Sho definite will hate it. Why would he agree to something he knows he would hate?”

Ohno looks at Nino kindly. “You think so, right?” Ohno says in a chuckle. The way Ohno stares right into Nino’s eyes contains for meaning than a mere looking. "But relationship is all about compromising. Some times you do things that you know you will hate." His eyes keep on Nino as he continues, “In some extreme cases, you have to jump off the cliff and hope for the best."

Nino gulps. He knows Ohno no longer means Sho and him.

"But how can you know you won't get hurt or ruin everything?"

"You wouldn't know. That's love, Nino. Have a little faith." Ohno replies with a gentle smile.


.............


Nino stands in front of a door with his hand clutching to the key that would open the way into the apartment. Nino breathes in long and deep. Nino has made the decision. This is what he wants. He breathes out, turns the key, and walks in.

The scene that greets him is Jun, in his eye-glasses and homey cloth, standing baffled in the doorway. It seems Jun ran straight to the entrance when he heard a sound of someone opening the door to his apartment.

“Nino??” Jun sounds like he sees a ghost. The look of Jun's surprise and his unmistaken happiness warms Nino's heart in way he never thinks possible. Yet, Nino tries to act cool. He steps pass Jun and makes his way into the living room as if it is the most natural thing.

“I decide to use the birthday present you gave me. I hope it is not too late.” Nino mumbles as he walks inside the apartment. Secretly, he cannot help looking around, surveying content of Jun’s apartment.

“Lovely place,” comments Nino. Although the apartment is decorated differently from his own, Nino finds it surprisingly homey and welcoming. He lowers himself on to the sofa. In front of it, there are papers and notes scatter all over a long coffee table. It appears that Jun has been working before Nino comes. Jun drops into the armchair on the side. His eyes still show sign of delight, mixing with disbelief and confusion.

“How can you be here?” Jun asks almost right away.

“I took a taxi. I decide it’s better than driving.” Nino explains things that he’s certain Jun probably doesn’t care. “I am here to give you this.” Nino puts a wooden box that Jun gave him months earlier on the coffee table. Jun looks at it and gasps. He is about to protest something when Nino beats him to it.

“Don’t worry. I am not returning your house key.” Nino is quick to explain. “I use the box to keep something I want to give you instead. Let’s just say it’s for your birthday.” Jun quickly reaches for it and opens the box. Inside, Jun finds a key chain similar to his own.

“They are my house keys.” Nino explains. “You may want to keep it.”

Jun turns to Nino in disbelief. His mouth is wide open in shock and surprise. Nino continues,
“I finally learn that love is like a leap of faith and a willingness to dive into an unknown. It may be dangerous and I may get hurt, but it's OK." Nino  pauses and reaches out for Jun's hand. Its warmth spreads in Nino's colder one. "You worths every risk, Jun." Nino leans in to kiss Jun briefly. "I am sorry that I make you worried and disappointed. Would you please forgive me?”

Jun doesn't answer. Instead, he leans in and gives Nino even more passionate and hungry kiss. Their bodies react naturally. They pull toward each other, kissing, pulling, and caressing.

“How would you like it tonight?” Jun asks. Nino knows Jun is offering himself. Jun must be in a very good mood to please Nino. However, Nino has another plan in mind.

“It’s our first time in your home. I am giving you the honor.” Nino gives Jun a coy smile. He climbs on top of Jun on the sofa and plants a deep, long kiss on Jun’s full lips. “We can do other styles next time.”

Jun laughs. He pulls Nino in for another long, deepen kiss before he leads Nino to his bedroom. "Whatever you say, Nino. I am all yours."

Tags: fanfic, genre: romance, genre: smut, one shot, pairing: matsumiya, rating: nc-17
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